


Rainy Days and Cloudy Nights

by NerdyBoiYeet



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Clay | Dream Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Depression, Don't Like Don't Read, Hurt Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Not Beta Read, Other, Sad Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyBoiYeet/pseuds/NerdyBoiYeet
Summary: Let's be honest... being a YouTuber can be stressful as hell. It's difficult to keep people's attention, the algorithm constantly changes, and...well...if you happen to roleplay on an Smp as a villain you're probably, no, definitely gonna get hate for it.If you have serious anxiety, depression, and a history of self harm in the past it might not necessarily be the job for you.Needless to say...Dream was exhausted.❗If anyone mentioned in this book has a problem with it, it'll be taken down immediately.❗
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 153
Kudos: 574





	1. Prologue

Read these now! The warnings won't show in chapters unless it's: detailed gore/blood, self harm, suicidal thoughts, or panic/anxiety attacks

#smileygang :)

This story will have:

Blood  
Gore  
Depression  
Severe Anxiety  
Panic Attacks  
Self Harm  
Suicidal thoughts (rare/not direct but still there)  
Angst (but with comfort and fluff :)  
Cussing (like normal ;)

Also! Almost all of the Mcyts fanbase are really nice, kind, and supportive! This is an ao3 angst story....sooooo...✨Drama✨ It ain't gonna be like other ones tho where the fans always hate whoever, and are no nice ones  
Da community is really good and friendly (I don't consider the toxic people a part of the community) keep it up peoples!! :)

❗❗Don't take this book seriously!(Like it's irl)! It's great to look out for people and make sure they're doing well, but don't act like this all has happened, or will happen! Also, don't shove this book in the creator's faces!❗❗

#smileygang :)


	2. Chapter 1

:)

Fuck. 

'I made a huge mistake.' Dream thought to himself, but couldn't bring himself to stop reading. 

Hate comment, after hate comment. Whether it was posts, tweets, accounts, reddit tags (the / things, y'know XD) drawings, videos, or just screenshots, he couldn't stop reading and looking at them. (I've had this problem with hate comments before too :P)

Dream sighed, gripping the mouse tightly in his hand before moving it up and clicking the red X in the corner. Tommy was streaming today...which meant he had to act like the villain again for their storyline, which would only lead to more of these comments. 

Dream had a really successful YouTube channel! 16 million subscribers and growing! Most of his fans were really supportive, kind, and awesome and he made sure to defend them about the whole 'Stans' situation and talk about them and show their letters, art, and creations. 

Sadly, a lot of people really didn't like him, for no reason honestly. It was mostly because of his speedruning record, hey accused him of cheating and even after he proved them wrong it just made them angrier and more hateful. He knew he said some bad things because he was angry...but he made sure to apologise for them and move on. 

Dream knew all of this. He knew how kind the community was (the good side :), and how being a YouTuber was going really well, peoples joked that he dated the YouTube algorithm. 

He told himself this every day...but the throbbing of his heart and head never seemed to leave. 

Every world. Every damn comment seemed to ring through his head. Whether it was something he'd done as a kid or something he'd done now...it was still there.

Anxiety had always been a problem in his life...he hated it. 

It had seemed like it somewhat stopped, or calmed down at least a while back. But then Mr. Beast's $300, 000 livestream happened. He didn't have his camera on (because he hadn't..and still hasn't as of now) done a face reveal yet. 

His anxiety only grew, he almost backed out because of how terrified he was about people accusing him of cheating... especially if he won. He still went through with it, even though he didn't win,the amount of accusations was insane. (I actually saw people on the live chat saying stuff like that. I just wanna say, if you're one of those people you're muffined up and need help). 

Every little thing seemed to make people angry. It got to the point where in public he avoided talking just because he was scared of being recognized. (A/N last one I promise XD I wheeze laughed in a store once (and I actually sound a lot like Dre when I do) and I saw two kids sprint towards the aisle I was on, and one of them smacked the other kids shoulder and said, "I told you, man! He lives in Florida, not here!" It was so funny! XD).

All of this flashed through Dream's mind as he took a deep breath, watching the mojang screen load and the Minecraft title screen appearing. He looked at the other computer monitor with the Smp chat up. He considered saying he couldn't do it, or that he was sick but he couldn't let Tommy and the others down..like he did everyday..

So, he took a deep breath, pulled up the script and clicked on the server. 

Time to put on his mask, so to speak, and get this over with, and prepare himself for the hell of a reaction that would certainly come afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short! <3 all of you, my smiley gang!!


	3. Chapter 2

:)

!Tw!! Panic attack!

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

The same thought swirled through Dream's head, making his head throb and breath hitch. It wasn't the Smp..or the people or any of it! He knew they were all friends...but other people seemed like they didn't.

He saw the chat on Tommy's stream as he left his minecraft base, not actually going to the prison, cause... c'mon now. It roleplay, and no one could see him. 

The chat was unbelievably harsh, as he read through each thing.   
(What comes up next I do not support, nor do I think about Dre...but I have seen some of this stuff in chat before, again, that's muffined up if you say that, get outta here >:(=

Yeah! Kill the pathetic bastard! Do it irl too! 🤣

Pog!!! Dream was so weak lmao!! He just gave up

Tan patético! (So pathetic)

Now we won't have to deal with he monster fucking things up!

I wanna punch Dream irl so bad!! He fucked up everyone on this server!

He's such a pussy!

Ngl, Dream being a disappointment to everyone for giving up so easily.

He's weak in Minecraft and weak irl!

Dream gripped the sides of his head, crushing his headset closer. He could hear everyone continuing with the roleplay...but it was like he wasn't actually there. 

He was dying. 

Oh God. 

He couldn't breathe.

Dream's breath hitched in his throat, burning as it felt like he choked on the air he tried to inhale. His heart began to beat a mile a minute, and seemed to shoot from his chest to his throat too, not helping with his breathing situation. (I know Sapnap and Dream are living together rn, but for the story's sake he lives alone ;)

He doubled over, nearly falling out of his chair and almost hitting his head on the desk. He couldn't breathe...he couldn't breathe!

Every breath was shallow and not enough. He began to hyperventilate, choking on the air he tried to inhale. 

Please! I can't breathe! Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!? WHY!? SOMEONE HELP ME, PLEASE! I SWEAR I'M NOT AS BAD AS I SEEM! PLEASE!

"-REAM! DREAM! DREAM! BIG D!?" He heard multiple voices suddenly, his once glazed over eyes looking to his monitor that had Minecraft pulled up. His head and chest throbbed, and he gasped for breath, relieved he could finally breathe again. 

-Tw over!-

"I'm here." He rasped, coughing to clear his throat, "I'm here. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong!? WHAT'S WRONG!?" Tommy's voice shouted through the headset, making Dream's head pound more. 

"You sound like you were fucking dying, Big D! What the hell happened!? I had to end stream by saying I had an essay due for college!" Tommy shouted, his voice high pitched with near hysteria. 

Dream felt more guilt, he made Tommy end stream, he had a lot of viewers too, why did he have to fuck everything up-

"Dream! You muffin! Listen to us! What's wrong? You better not lie, cause even though they can't get to you quickly I can drive (Bad also lives in Florida :0) and make Rat attack you with love!" Bad said firmly, sounding like a parent lecturing their kid. 

"Sorry, guys." Dream said guiltily, his voice quiet, "I was just thinking about the whole roleplay...do you think it worries or upsets the fans...?"

It was quiet for a moment before Quackity spoke up, "Probably not...okay...kinda? But they already know it's all roleplay! They've literally watched us go in creative mode before, and mess around on days we weren't doing the to. Besides, they make lots of epic art of it!"

"What all do they say to you about it?" Dream asked, trying to act like he was just joking. 

"Everyone says I'm a hero, y'know, cause I'm the best." Tommy said, making them chuckle. 

"About the same for me." Tubbo and Quackity said. "But my ego isn't as big as Tommy's." Tubbo said, making everyone, but Dream but no one noticed, laugh. 

"Oh. I guess it's not that bad then." Dream said with a strained chuckle, but no one seemed to notice. 

"Awww. Is Big D jealous he isn't the hero in this?" Tommy asked in a joke mock voice, "Do you want to save George and kiss him?"

"Yes." Dream deadpanned as a joke, making everyone burst out laughing, helping Dream's mood lighten just a little bit. 

"So....how's life in Florida?" Tubbo asked, tidying up his desk (Tommy and Tubbo both still have face cams on).

"It's going good for me!" Bad said, "I'm getting better at knife throwing, and Rat is doing good too!" (I actually knife throw in my free time and I'm pretty good at it, not a pro, but I can get it to stick in a tree :)

"Ey Dream man. Why don't you answer the question, man? Unless you want my inner Mexican Dream to come out." Quackity said, making them laugh (keep in mind everyone who 'stood against' Dream in the finale is in call...I'm just lazy XD).

"It's Florida. What'd you expect? It rains, then it's hot, and there's gators everywhere." Dream said, attempting to seen light hearted, "I gotta go guys. Patches is crying out for pets and food. I'll talk to you later!"

He quickly left the call, looking to his cat that was actually sleeping on his bed, he sighed, rubbing his eyes. He knew he looked like a wreck. He did shower regularly, but not sleeping and not eating everyday definitely took a toll on him. 

He had dark eye bags (just like me--), his dirty blonde hair seemed duller, his skin was getting paler, and he definitely looked like he lost weight, probably about 10 pounds (5.44311 kilograms) in a week, which is really not good for you.

He sighed, leaning back in his chair before getting up, he wanted to move so he pulled on a different hoodie (his green, smiley hoodie would be too obvious). He went out onto his front porch, locking the door before walking down his driveway and down the sidewalk in his neighborhood. 

He watched as cars drive by, looking at the many trees, plants, and bodies of water Florida had to offer, making sure to steer clear of the water (Basically anything with water in Florida has a Warning sign for Gators being in it). 

After about an hour of walking, he turned around and jogged home, only taking about 20 minutes because he alternated between sprinting, running, and jogging. He ran through hsi neighbor's sprinkler that turned towards the sidewalk, and then went across his front lawn and up the steps. 

He went inside, wiping the water and swear on his face away, peeling off his hoodie and tossing it on the couch. He heard a soft meow, and looked down at his feet. 

"Awww! Look at my little princess!" Dream cooed to his cat, picking her up and petting her.

He walked into the kitchen and set her down in front of her food and water bowls, adding some wet cat food into one of the bowls. 

He sat on one the stools by the island in the kitchen, and pulled out his phone. He had a lot of messages from the Smp members, he sighed and read them. Most were just worried messages about him leaving so abruptly, others were ones about having to end stream. 

Dream sighed again, feeling a migraine beginning to form again, he laid his head against the counter. 

He was exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	4. Chapter 3

:)

George and Sapnap were worried (POV change!? Pog!).

They knew Dream had a lot of anxieties, and had a a history with hurting himself, blaming himself, and depression. 

So, when they got frantic texts from everyone, and Dream wasn't responding, they may or may not have gotten in a discord call and basically freaked out together. 

"What if he got hurt! Or something bad happened!" George said frantically, "He hasn't responded in a while!"

"What if he got hurt really badly and-" Sapnap got cut off by the robotic voice saying, "User joined your channel."

Bad had joined, "Uh...guys?" he asked, looking at his friends worried faces (they have their cameras on) 

"Bad! Have you heard from Dream!?" Sapnap said worriedly. 

"Sappitus nappitus. Do you hear yourself right now? It's only been an hour! I know he usually answers pretty quickly, but you're worrying over nothing! It's about 5 o'clock here he's probably getting dinner or something! He might be with his family, too! Calm down, it'll be okay."

"Oh! I just got an answer!" Bad said, hearing his phone ping a notification from Dream. 

"He says he's good, just remembered something he had to pick up." Bad read out loud, "See, you muffins. He's alright! Now get some rest, I know it's 10 where you are George!"

"Okay, Mom." George said, rolling his eyes, saying goodbye and leaving the call. 

As much as Bad reassured them, he himself was also really worried. Dream sounded...just...so sad on call. He never really asked how people reacted to the streams. Bad sighed slightly, petting Rat and leaving the call after saying bye to Sapnap. 

Maybe the muffinteres could meet up and see him. He frowned slightly. If George applied for a visa now, (corona don't exist in dis universe XD) he would probably be able to get it in a couple of months. It would be more expensive to get it quicker, but they all were successful YouTubers, and he would be more than happy to pitch in.

Bad's eyes practically sparkled with excitement. He could see them all together now! It would be so much fun, and everyone would be so happy they all finally met up!

He grabbed his phone and called George, despite having just told him to get to bed. 

A grogy Gogy answered, looked like he followed Bad's advise, "Hello?"

"Georgie! I have a great idea!"

......

Dream groaned, his back and neck were sore as he sat up an stretched, hearing the pops. He looked around grogily, before realizing he fell asleep in the kitchen yesterday. He looked at the clock on the stove, the glowing numbers read 12:23 back at him.12:23 at night or he day? He wondered, going to the window and opening the thin curtains. 

Definetly night. He could see the faint glow of street lights and head lights in the distance. He could also see the light in his pool was on. 

He sighed, going over to the sliding glass door and pulling it open, feeling the humid air in his skin. He stepped into his porch and opened the small control panel off to the side in a weather proof box, flicking the light off. 

He looked around, grateful for the fence so he wouldn't have to worry about gators or snakes (as much). But he couldn't ease the anxiety that now seemed to permanently rest within him.

He went back inside, locking the door, and going upstairs. He walked in his room, looking at the familiar green and white themed room that had lots of fan art and crafts all around (lots of blobs and blob Dream plushies). He collapsed onto his bed, barely managing to plug in hsi phone before he fell asleep, his sleepless nights catching up to him. 

......

George, Bad, and Sapnap were all giddy with excitement. They had done the research and found out that George didn't have to marry anyone to get the visa, but the price for it still was pretty high. He already had a passport, so it was slightly lower but it still cost about $5420 (noice). The three of them all pitched in, Bad and Sapnap sending George the money three paypal despite his protests that he could pay it, he definitely could. 

"Okay. George you gotta take pictures of yourself they can use. So basically, just one of you smiling but not a selfie or anything. Just set your phone up on something and take one of your shoulders and up." Sapnap instructed, reading off one of the websites. 

"Then you have to fill out the application, get all the documents you need for identity and proof and stuff, and then you'll get an interview. But remember! This is gonna take a couple of months, so don't try and get a ticket yet! That goes for both of you muffins!" Bad instructed, both nodding and promising not to. 

"This is gonna be so exciting!!" They all squealed like little kids, soon saying goodbye so they could (finally) get some sleep.

.......

Dream woke up to Patches pawing at his face, meowing loudly. 

He groaned slightly before sitting up, "Good morning, Patches." His eyes lighting up slightly when she meowed back. (My cat likes to sit on my shoulder and sleep on my shoulder, he also keeps licking my face for no reason QwQ :3)

He got out of bed, going downstairs and poured some cat food into Patches' food bowl. He went back upstairs to take a shower because he didn't take one the other day.  
\-------  
He got dressed, and began to turn on his computer, he grabbed his phone but his eyes widened when he saw all the notifications from the Muffinteres group chat. There were 117+!

He opened and scrolled through, not reading every message, but getting an idea of it. 

-Tw! Panic attack!-

His breath hitched again, and the awful feeling of not being able to breathe came back. 

No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No! They can't come here! They'll see how pathetic I am! How weak I am! How much of a disappointment I am! They'll be so disappointed! They won't even wanna talk to you again! They're gonna find out I'm just done pathetic idiot who freaks out over the smallest things!

After what seemed like an eternity, but was only about 30 minutes, his swarming, swirling thoughts calmed down, and he was able to breathe normally again. 

It's okay. I'm fine, I'm fine. He thought to himself. 

He quickly joined the Smp discord call, making sure to stay on mute. He sighed heavily when he saw Tommy was streaming...which meant more roleplay... terrific. 

He logged onto the Smp, teleporting himself into the prison (Pandora's vault) and just stood there while he went on his phone, waiting for Tommy to show up and get this stupid thing over with. 

He watched Tommy's stream from one of his monitors (3 in total for those wondering...just guessing here :) so he would know when he had to un-mute and read the script, or do what it said (They said there's lots of improv and that the script sometimes just gives a basic idea of what they need to say/do). 

He sighed heavily as he heard Tommy begin talking, unmuting himself and beginning to speak. It all went as planned until he suddenly apologized. It wasn't a part of the script, but Tommy's chat was cussing him out, calling him horrible things, which he deserved and-. 

Tommy cut him off, sounding a bit confused and surprised but going with it (this ain't canon that they made that part up, don't take this book super seriously XD). He grabbed some of the books, labelled them and told Dream to write him five novels to get his forgiveness. 

Dream smiled hopefully, glancing at Tommy's chat for something... anything positive but it was filled with the normal hate for him, this time worse than normal. 

Dream sighed heavily, forgetting his mic was on. He sounded...so sad, it worried everyone in the call.

"I'll see you around, Big D." Tommy said, leaving the prison room, and Dream went back on mute. 

Dream sighed, laying his head against his desk, pushing the keyboard to the side slightly so he could. After a minute, he felt tears start to stream down his face. 

He was really pathetic, wasn't he? Crying over a few simple words...  
Dream wiped at his eyes angrily, he wanted to grab the people who said all those things and shake them, yelling that "It was all just fucking roleplay!" He wouldn't do any of those things!

But everyone seemed to think that's what he was like, he looked to the chat, tearing up more as the hate messages and donations slowly got more and more personal. 

Damn. No wonder he hasn't done a face reveal. Someone that ugly on the inside is probably that ugly on the outside too. (A/N I definitely do NOT support the things the 'chat' says in the story and some of the things they say irl. I'm only using them for dis book, I feel really guilty for it, but my sister says it'll be okay and I'm overeacting QwQ)

LMAO! Make him suffer, Tommy!!

Anyone who manipulates minors deserved to die irl, roleplay or not

#Dreamisnotpog! Get it trending!

No get #killdream trending!

You guys are taking this too far, its just rp

Dream takes it so seriously tho, he probably means all of it!

LMAO for REAL

He probably does

Wouldn't doubt it

Dream whimpered slightly from the headache that began to form again, it seemed like headaches were becoming a permanent thing now. 

He sighed, tempted to log off, but he knew he had to stay on in case more lines or something had to happen. He just laid his head there, before lifting it up and pulling up a video he had to edit on another monitor, moving the script over to the one that had some of their streams pulled up, making the window for it smaller and off to the side. 

He began editing, cutting out unnecessary parts of the video, edit it so it all ran smoothly together. He scrolled through his saved non copyright music, deciding which ones to pick and what parts of the video to use them. It was a fun video to film, (All mobs are hostile) so he used mostly upbeat music, unlike the dramatic and intense music he used for manhunts. 

He got so into editing multiple saved videos, he didn't even notice 3 hours had flown by until he heard casual talking through his head set. 

Everyone was already done streaming. 

"The stream went really well! A lot of those donations were funny!" Tommy said, snickering at some of them, "The chat was pretty funny too."

Dream's eyes widened, was Tommy talking about all the things they said about Dream? No...of course not...right ..?

Why wouldn't he be? You ARE pathetic. It's funny how you think they're your friends...

Dream shook his head quickly, lightly hitting his face to snap out of it and ignore all the voices and stinging of the dark thoughts. 

He unmuted, trying to pick up on the conversation when Bad, Sapnap, and George all joined. They seemed so giddy. 

"GUESS WHAT MAMAS!!" Sapnap yelled loudly, getting lots of complaints in return. 

"What?" Several people asked at once.

"In getting an interview for my U.S visa in a month!! It cost extra to be out on the priority list, but it was worth it!" George said excitedly, almost yelling like Sapnap did. 

"That's great, George!" Dream congratulated, equally excited and happy for George, "Did you get it just so you and Sapnap could finally make out?" He asked with a slight wheeze, a sound no one had heard in a while. 

"You could say that. But what if we all got homie kisses? The muffinteres, that is?" George asked jokingly, everyone seeing the big grin growing on his face. 

The realization hit Dream instantly, his eyes wide and his heart rate shot up, luckily his breathing was still normal. 

"What!?" He choked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 my smiley gang :)


	5. Chapter 4

:)

George frowned. Everyone else sounded so excited for him. He knew the interview was next month, but why did Dream sound so scared when they hinted that they would be visiting. 

"Dream? You good, dude? You sound kinda worried there." Sapnap asked with a forced chuckle, trying to cover up his concern. 

"Y-yeah I'm fine." Dream said, stammering slightly at first which made everyone immediately think he wasn't. 

"That's bullshit, Big D." Tommy said, saying what everyone was thinking, "The big man himself, stuttering? That's really fucking sus."

"Language! But Tommy's right, is something wrong, Dream?" Bad asked gently, the worry in his voice obvious.

Dream flinched, feeling his pulse speed up. They couldn't worry about him...no...they shouldn't worry about him. 

"It's alright guys," he lied smoothly, "I've just been taking some new medicine. It's making it a bit harder to sleep, and makes me more shaky but other than that I'm doing okay."

"Oh okay." Tubbo said, breathing a sigh of relief, "Makes sense. Make sure you look up stuff to help you sleep!"

"I will, I will." Dream said, chuckling, despite the complete panic he felt, "When do you think you'll get the visa?"

"Well, since the interview is next month, it'll probably a couple days or a week after that before I get it. Then I gotta get plane tickets, so it'll probably be about a month and a half before we can all officially visit. Bad made us promise not to go until we all can meet up on the same day." George said, rolling his eyes at the end.

"Wha-! You muffin! That was supposed to be a surprise!" Bad said angrily, everyone in the call laughing. 

"So we're all finally gonna meet up!?" Dream asked, as scared as he was, he was still excited, after all, who wouldn't wanna meet their best friends after knowing them for years but not actually seeing them in person?

"Sapnap will finally not be the only person who knows what you look like!" Bad cheered excitedly. 

Dream's stomach lurched, his heart pounding so fast he was sure his hoodie would start moving because of it. "Yeah!" He said, masking his fear and panic with excitement, "You're finally gonna see how hot I am."

Bad burst out laughing, soon everyone joined in. 

"Hey Dream! Do you really have a whole cosplay for yourself?" Tommy asked, snickering. 

Dream kept acting like he was joking around, having fun, "Haven't you seen Mr. Beast's rewind? I'm still just surprised he allowed a child in it."

Everyone laughed, except Tommy, he just stuttered indignantly and cussed at him. 

Dream could feel his breathing starting to get difficult, so he said, "Oh shit! I gotta go guys! I forgot Drista and my Mom were coming over. I'll talk to you guys later!"

"Wait! Can we talk to them?" A couple of people spoke up at once, making Dream's eyes widen. 

"Uh..maybe not today. I just wanna spend some time with them!" Dream lied, but his eyes widened when he saw George staring down at his phone intently (remember they're in a call and some of them have their cameras on). He forgot George had her number. 

"Um...Mother Dream says she and Drista aren't there." George said, looking up at his screen, almost like he was trying to look Dream in the eyes.

"Oh! I guess a car was just backing out in my driveway or something." Dream lied, feeling his chest tighten. His hands began to shake slightly, and sweat poured down his face despite the AC being on. 

"Thought it was them, my bad." He said, chuckling slightly but everyone could tell he was nervous. 

"Dream?" They all seemed to ask, genuine concern lacing their voices.

"Yeah?" He asked, gripping his computer mouse tightly. After a second he felt something hop onto his lap. He looked down and saw Patches, immediately petting her and calming down a bit. 

"Are..are you okay?" Sapnap asked, "You know you can tell us anything, dude. Right?"

"Yeah, I know. Why were you texting my Mom anyways, George?" Dream asked, snickering at the end.

"I- What!? Dream! What is wrong with you!? She just texted me asking about how you're doing cause she saw the stream!" George said, huffing and shaking his head. 

"Why didn't she just text me?"

"Uh...Dream. She has. You were just sitting there completely quiet after Bad asked if you were alright." George said, his eyebrows creasing together in worry. 

"What!? But I answered right after he asked!" Dream insisted, watching the people who had their camera's on expressions change. They all looked worried and shocked. 

"Dream. You weren't responding for like...10 minutes! Everyone was screaming your name!" Tubbo said, Dream watched as the young brunette began to cry.

He made everyone worry. Hell, he even made Tubbo cry, he was a monster...

"DREAM! YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!" A voice yelled in her s ears, Dream winced, clutching at his head as a familiar shimmer of a migraine claw at the corner of his eyes. 

"Sorry, sorry. Can you please just...not yell?" He asked, turning the volume on his headset down. 

"I'm gonna go guys...I'll talk to you later. I got videos to edit, and plan." Dream said, leaving the call just as people were asking him to wait. 

(POV change~)

Bad sat there, stunned and worried. He left the call, and went on the Muffinteres chat, quickly calling. They both answered immediately. 

"Guys... I'm really, really worried." Bad said right off the bat.

"I am too, but Dream's an adult for crying out loud, he'll be alright." Sapnap said, "Besides, George will have his interview next month. We can always get a ticket that'll make him get here faster."

"Good idea!" George said excitedly, "It'll cost a bit more, but it'll be worth it! We'll all finally be able to meet up!"

"Yeah! This month is gonna take forever though." Sapnap said grumpily. 

\----After the Visa Interview----

"GUYS! GUYS! I GOT THE VISA! I GOT THE VISA!" George screamed excitedly into the microphone, everyone on call began freaking out and cheering. 

Dream was also really excited and happy for him, but scared about having his friends over. They'd see what he looked like, they'd see the scars on his arms...they'd see that he was weak...

"I'm so happy for you, Gogy!" Dream congratulated, he had gotten way better at lying in the past few weeks, no one suspected anything. 

"Yes!! We'll finally be able to meet up!!" George said happily, pure joy on his face. 

"Hey Dream. Do you think we'd be able to meet up sometime in the next week or so?" Sapnap asked, grinning. 

"Wha-hat!? Next week!? How are you guys gonna be able to come that quickly!?" Dream gasped, making the others laugh at his reaction.

"We got an early ticket, we pooled our money together!" Bad said, smiling broadly, "So now we'll all be able to meet up sooner! Sapnap's gonna drive and so will I! So we're gonna need directions."

"Okay. You shoulda let me help pay though." Dream said, panic growing throughout him, his heart pounding wildly. 

The three of them got a notification, making the other call members confused, until they started yelling at Dream. "Dream! What the hell man!? We wanted to do this as a gift to you!" George said, frustrated. 

"Well, it only seems right if I help you guys with it! You're all gonna be staying with me! I got room for it." Dream said, masking the panic in his voice. 

Bad sighed, "Dream. I know you feel guilty, but you don't have to do this." 

"Wha-? I don't feel guilty! I just wanted to help! You guys already have other stuff to pay for, and donate money to me, so I just wanted to-" he got cut off by a very angry Sapnap.

"Dude! You've given and donated us so much already! Too much, honestly! Just let us refund this to you, and let us do this for you!!" He snapped, going onto PayPal and hitting the refund button. 

"No! C'mon, Snapmap! Just let me help you guys, please! It'll make me feel less guilty!" Dream said, 

"A-Hah! So you admit you're guilty!" Sapnap said, huffing, "Just let us do this, Dream! Please!"

"C'mon, Big Man. You've already donated so much to everyone on the Smp...too much, so just let them do this for you." Tommy said, spinning idly around in his chair.

"C'mon, Dream! Just let them!" Ranboo encouraged, grinning. 

"Fine." Dream said grumpily and guiltily, "But I don't like it."

"Good!" Sapnap cheered, "We'll see you soon~!"

:)  
Be patient young ones, angst will be coming soon~.


	6. Chapter 5

:)

TW!! Some self harm, panic attacks, and sad bois :<

Read with caution <3

Dream paced throughout his house, his heart beating crazily. There was nothing to do but wait. He had already cleaned everything, set everything up for them, and talked to them. 

His heart thrummed wildly, he needed to move..he had to do something!

Dream looked around his familiar house, before Patches walked in the room. He sat on the floor, leaning against the glass of his sliding door (A/N No I'm not a stalker 😂 Most houses in florida have sliding glass doors. Trust me, I would know~)

Patches crawled onto his lap, purring loudly, and lightly pawing at his chest to try and make him pet her. He smiled softly, petting the catto, who purred loudly and laid down, curled up in response. 

Dream sighed, feeling more at ease, his phone started ringing, and he quickly answered it so it wouldn't disturb the catto. (I fricking love cats....they give my life meaning! >;))

"Hello?" He asked, because he didn't bother to check the caller ID. 

"I have Sapnap..." A very obviously edited voice said (autotuned to be really deep) "Come to the airport if you ever want to see him or Bad again..."

Dream chuckled, "Of course, of course. What if I don't show up?"

"Dreeeeam!" A voice on the other end whined, "You'd really abandon me!?"

"I haven't done a face reveal, remember? It'd be pretty obvious who I was if I was surrounded by you idiots." Dream laughed, sweating nervously...he had already told them that they were supposed to meet at his house because of that. 

"Oh yeah! We'll see you soon!" The edited voice said again, but the british accent was obvious, especially since the person was giggling. 

"Sure, sure. I can only hope Snapmap and Bad will live until they get here." Dream said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "See you soon!"

"Bye!" George said, turning off the voice editor. 

Dream hung up, letting the panic that had been building up overtake him, Patches jumped off his lap and he stood up, before immediately falling to his knees on the floor, his head smacking into the ground with a thud. 

The pain was quick, not too bad, but it helped him focus...feel less numb. Dream lifted his head up, slamming his head onto the floor again, white flashing in his vision for a second and a headache quickly forming. 

He held his head tightly, it hurt...but it felt good at the same time. 

He didn't know how, or why, but decided to ignore it and get up, his head throbbing. 

He went to his bathroom and got some aspirin, it helped the headache slightly, but did nothing to ease the panic that was growing more and more. 

They would be there soon. They're gonna be here, oh God, they're gonna be here for real this time! They're supposed to be staying a while! They're gonna find out I'm weak, and pathetic, and-

His jumbled thoughts were cut off by his doorbell ringing, the sound chiming through the house and making Patches run under his bed. 

Dream walked slowly downstairs, his heart pounding, his hand shaking. 'Here we go' he thought to himself, taking a deep breath and opening the door. 

And, there they were. All smiling, on his porch. In person. 

The four muffinteres all crashed into a giant group hug, everyone laughing and acting like little kids cheering because they got to go to a sleepover for the first time.

"I can't believe it!! The muffinteres are finally together!" Bad cheered, wiping at his eyes slightly even though he totally wasn't tearing up. 

"I know! You guys go in and relax, I know it was a long drive. I'll get your stuff and bring it into the rooms you guys'll stay in." Dream said, smiling. 

The group nodded tiredly, as Dream lead them inside, and unceremoniously, shoved them on the couch. 

"Dude! What the heck?" Sapnap laughed, the others laughing too. 

"You guys rest! I bet George has got some serious jet lag, how high was he acting?" Dream asked, wheezing slightly. 

"He started almost crying about his cat before we told him he was carrying the little cage she was in!" Bad said, laughing, "I also brought Rat with me!"

George smiled sheepishly, "Look, it was a long flight!"

"Of course, Georgie! Can I get you some tea?" Dream asked in a mock british accent. 

George rolled his eyes and opened the little cage his cat was in, Bad doing the same for his dog. 

Their pets immediately began walking around, exploring what would be their home for a while. Dream went outside, shutting he screen door so none of the animals would nyoom out and went to the car now parked in his driveway. 

He took out one of the suitcases and he other, carrying them into the house. He went back out and got the rest of there stuff, and almost burst out laughing when he saw the three of them. They were all asleep. 

He quietly went upstairs, putting their stuff in the rooms they'd be in, who's suitcase was who's was pretty obvious. Bad's had muffin stickers on it, George's was just a plain blue, and Sapnap's had a flame and Texas flag on it. 

He put all their stuff up, then went downstairs, and carried them one at a time to their rooms and out them in the beds. (Okay--idk if he could carry them irl, personally, I can carry both my parents and I use bikes as weights for workouts but idk if he could..¯\\_(ツ)_/¯)

He made sure they were all comfortable, before going to his room and finding a spooked Patches, she obviously knew that there were animals and people in the house. 

"Aww, c'mere!" Dream cooed, picking up the cat and petting her, but she jumped out of his arms and hid back under the bed. 

Dream sighed, flopping back onto the bed, closing his eyes. He was happy to see his friends, but also terrified they would find out about..well, all the things he'd been dealing with. 

His chest seemed too tight, his heart pumping too much. All the hate seemed to rise up in a wave and crash down on him, he gasped for breath. He stood up, staggering into the bathroom, he tried drinking water but it didn't help much. 

He looked in his cabinet, but his eyes didn't land on the aspirin, but on a razor. He picked it up, moving slowly. He rolled up his hoodie sleeve placed the razor sideways on his arm, and quickly drew back. 

A small stinging pain formed on his arm, crimson dots appearing along the cut. 

No! Damnit!

Dream threw the razor, it hit the wall with a thud, hitting the floor with a small clatter. 

You're stonger than this! You're better than this!

Dream mentally shouted at himself, he moved his arm under the faucet the cut stung from the water, burning dully. 

He put a band aid on it, and walked back in his room. It was still early, only about 6:30, but he found himself on his bed, after all, he almost never slept properly. He knew the others would be asleep until tomorrow, so he turned off the lights and closed the blinds before collapsing back on his bed and falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 6

Usual warnings! I won't be making note of them anymore because they're told at the beginning of the book 

:)

Bad was the first one to wake up, after all, he was used to the time zone and didn't have jet lag. When he opened his eyes he had a slight feeling of panic, like when you wake up in a hotel room and think 'Oh shit! Where the fuck am I!?' before remembering. 

So, he was panicking for a second, before remembering they we're at Dream's house. 

He smiled brightly at the thought, they were finally there! He looked around and frowned slightly. Rat was asleep on the bed,his suitcase was in there, and he was in there. 

He had fallen asleep on the couch! 

That muffin! He should've woken us up! Instead he carried us to our rooms!?

Bad huffed, shaking his head slightly and rubbing his eyes. He stood up, slightly shaky from the drive and having to get the two muffins, and preparing everything. 

He looked around the room. It was pretty empty. A plain bed with white sheets, a dark blue blanket, there was a desk, a dresser, and a door to a closet and bathroom. There was also a little blob Dream plushie on the desk, and a painting that was signed by Drista.

He smiled at the little decorations, before leaving the room and looking around. He walked down the stairs, before his eyes spotted a catto. 

"Oh, hello you little Muffin! Want some pets!?" He crooned to te cat, reaching out and letting it smell his hand. "You must be Patches!"

The cat purred as he pet it, before Bad got up and kept looking around, he eventually found where everyone's rooms were, and giggled slightly at his passed out friends. 

......

Dream slowly began to wake up, hearing... giggling? And talking..?

"Awww! Look at our, Dreamy poo~! He looks so tired!"

"I know! He wasn't even the one who flew here or drove!" Someone else giggled. 

"Shhh! You muffins, you'll wake him up! He looks so tired. He's got dark purple bags under his eyes. Look at how skinny he is too." Someone said, worry etched into their voice. 

Dream woke up, groaning and sitting up. He looked around at his friends who were gathered around him, smiling. 

"Morning." He said tiredly, stretching until he heard his back pop. 

"Good morning, Dreamy!" Sapnap said, holding out his phone, "Look at this! That's adorable!"

Dream looked sheepishly at the picture Sapnap took of him. He was holding one of the blob plushies in his sleep against his chest, and Patches was curled up beside him and the plushie (Don't worry peoples, da muffinteres will cuddle at some point XD)

"Why were you watching me sleep?" Dream asked, wheezing at their sheepish reactions. 

"We were looking for you, and then saw you were cuddling with the blob." George explained, giggling slightly, "I still can't believe we're all here! How long are we gonna stay for!?"

"I dunno. You guys honestly could just live in if you wanted. You'd probably have to go back home and get you stuff and all, but you could if you wanted." Dream said, before immediately laughing at their stunned and excited faces. 

"Fuck yeah!" Sapnap cheered, "We're gonna be the most iconic roommates ever!"

"Language! This is gonna be so exciting!" Bad cheered. 

"Just don't let me decorate anything with random colors." George said, laughing. 

Dream laughed with them, before they all got dressed and had breakfast.

"We should tweet something to confuse and mess with everyone!" George said with an evil grin. 

They all laughed and went along with it, and soon Twitter was blowing up. 

GeorgeNotFound: Florida is so hot, guys

BadBoyHalo: George isn't used to the weather Owo He'll have to get used to it

Sapnap: Dream keeps his house really cold...

Dreamwastaken: I'm going shopping. You guys need anything?

"Oh man! They must be so confused!" Sapnap said, laughing and almost falling over, "There's gonna be so many theories on it!"

"Yeah!" Dream said, wheezing, gasping for breath cause it sounded like he was deflating which made everyone laugh harder. 

Once everyone's laughing fit was over, George had a good idea.

"What if one of us streams, and then the rest of us start 'arguing' outside the room! Everyone will freak out!" George said, with an evil grin. 

"Yes!" Sapnap cheered, an evil grin on his face too, "Let's do it!"

"No you muffinheads! We should do something while we're here, we can do that later!" Bad said, shaking his head but smiling, "We can mess with everyone later."

Dream smiled, he was happy his friends were here, until Bad looked at him and frowned slightly, getting a huffy look on his face.

"And you, mister!" He said, sounding like an angry parent, "You need to eat more! You're so skinny! I get you're tall and all, but that's too much! Also, how'd you get that bruise on your head?"

Dream froze, they noticed the way his face paled but decided to ignore it and see what he said, "I went out running the other day, and tripped on some tree roots that were growing through the sidewalk."

They all stared at him in disbelief, until George spoke up, "That means you would've landed on the concrete. There's now way you wouldn't just have a bruise, you'd probably have stitches or even a concusion or a different mark but not just a bruise!"

"Yeah. That's a hard hit to the middle of your head." Bad pointed out, "So what actually happened?"

Dream's hands began to shake, he could feel hsi breathing starting to come in short rasps.

"It's uh...uh..." He stammered, looking away and going silent. They stayed that way for a couple minutes, waiting. 

"You guys wanna go swimming? I got a pool!" Dream said, going over to the back door and opening it, "You guys probably don't have swim trunks, but you can just wear shorts and a shirt."

"Dream-" George began, a warning note in his voice.

"Great! Imma go get dressed!" Dream said, quickly walking to the stairs and going up them, locking himself into his room. 

George, Bad, and Sapnap all looked at each other worriedly.

"There's something really fucking wrong here." Sapnap said, the other two nodding. Bad didn't even say language. 

There was clearly something wrong.

:)

My smiley gang, go and spread your smiles!!! :)


	8. Chapter 7

:)

Dream was trying his hardest not to break down, he kept gripping his arms tightly as he paced around the room, his nails digging into his flesh. 

What finally brought him back to reality was when the nails on his left hand dig deep enough to draw blood on his right arm. 

"Damn it!" He growled, going and cleaning the bleeding spots. He quickly changed into swim trunks and a tank top before going back downstairs. 

Luckily, the others were still getting ready, so he went outside into the humid heat, pressing a button on the pool control panel that made the little rock waterfall turn on. 

Bad was the first to come outside, squinting from the bright Florida sun.   
Sapnap was the next one out, "Oh! Geez, dude! Why the hell is it so bright!?"

"Welcome to Florida." Dream said, smiling and rolling his eyes. 

George finally came outside, closing the back door, "Sorry! I stopped to pet cat! How deep is the pool?"

"It goes up to six feet. But the whole thing isn't." Dream said,before running back and canonballing in, splashing everyone. 

"Dream!!" They all shouted, huffing at the blonde once he surfaced and started laughing. 

"C'mon, guys! Quit being such Pus-" Dream began, wheezing. 

"Language!" Bad yelled, grabbing a pool noodle and whacking him on the head with it, then jumping in. 

Sapnap jumped in, and George used the stairs leading in the pool. 

"C'mon, Gogy!!" Dream said, "Do you not know how to swim?"

"Uh...well...um.." George trailed off, embarrassed. 

Dream decided to let him go on his back (like a piggy back ride :), which made Sapnap's face light up mischievously. 

"CHICKEN FIGHT! C'MON BAD, LET'S GO!" Sapnap yelled, swimming over to Bad. 

"No! Sapnap! Don't! Bad! Bad, Sapnap!" Bad scolded as Sapnap tried to grab him. 

Dream wheezed, and tossed George behind him, hearing the splash and laughing louder. 

......

They eventually came back in, it was about 7:00 Pm when they came back inside, but George was used to a time zone that was 5 hours ahead, so they knew he was tired and that the jet lag was still wearing off (it can take up to 3 days ;)

They were all chilling on the couch together, except Bad, he insisted on making them muffins. 

George was asleep on Dream's chest, and Sapnap was asleep on Dream's shoulder, swimming for so long must've made them tired. 

In the quiet, Dream began to think

This isn't so bad..

As longs as they don't know, everything will be fine. 

Yeah...they don't need to worry about me...

Dream slowly drifted off too, not realizing he should've gone in his room to sleep. 

...

George woke up to the sound of someone gasping for breath, he quickly shot up and went place at the sight of Dream. He was was asleep, but pale, gasping for breath, and crying. 

"Dream! Dream! Dream!" He cried, shaking the blonde, making Sapnap fall off the couch. 

"Dude! What the hel-oh!" Sapnap sputtered. 

Dream's eyes snapped open, he gasped, huffing and clutching at his beating heart. 

"Are you okay!?" George cried, hugging him tightly. 

"Yeah...yeah...just..give me a second." Dream huffed, his breathing calming down. 

"You good, dude?" Sapnap asked, looking over as Bad rushed into the room (parent mode activated!!)

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. J just got nightmares a lot, despite being called Dream." He said, trying to make the situation lighter. 

Sapnap also got up and tackled the two in a hug, making George freak out as he was crushed by the two of them. 

"Help! Help me, Bad!" He yelled, reaching a hand out towards him. 

"Too late now, Gogy! You're trapped here forever!" Sapnap laughed evily. 

Bad laughed, "You muffinheads! Now c'mon, I let all of you sleep for a bit but now you need to come and get the muffins."

Sapnap got off of Dream, and Dream got up, helping George get up too. 

"You guys go ahead and eat, I'm not very hungry. Imma go see if George's cat and Patches are getting along." Dream said, moving towards the stairs. 

"Nope!" The three said at once, grabbing him. 

"Hey! What the hell!? Let go of me!" Dream said, struggling as they all held onto him. 

"No! You're gonna eat at least one muffin! You're way too skinny!" Bad scolded, yanking him to the table. 

"Sit down!" He ordered, and Dream sighed, sliding into one of the chairs. 

"Bad! This is stupid! You know I'm okay!" Dream said, huffing. 

George and Sapnap slid into the chairs next to him, "Too bad!" Sapnap said, grinning, "Bad spent a while on these muffins, so we're gonna have them!"

"Fine, fine! Just chill out, guys!" Dream said, shaking his head. 

......

Dream sighed heavily, it was 2:03 AM. The glowing numbers of the alarm clock read, he had already tried to play the Smp but surprisingly, no one was online for once. 

He sighed, scrolling through Twitter. He wanted to sleep, but he just... couldn't. 

After about an hour, he heard a loud boom, and he looked to his window. The familiar patter of run splashing against his window was heard, slightly louder because it was a thunderstorm, even though they normally were common in the Summer. 

He watched the rainfall for a while, leaning back in bed watching the window, eventually, around 4:43 AM, he was finally able to drift off. 

......

Dream woke up, looking over at his alarm clock, the red numbers reading 6:37 AM. 

Not even two hours of sleep.

Great. 

He was used to it though. He got up, stretching and getting dressed before heading downstairs because of the sound of meowing and light scratching at his door. 

He went into the kitchen and fed the Cats and Rat, petting the cattos and doggo. :)

After a bit he got up and went into his backyard, Rat ran around eagerly outside. The hot Florida sun made it so steam could be seen floating up from his neighbor's back porch and off of the concrete surrounding his pool. (It's like, part of da yard has concrete on da ground by the door and around the pool and the rest is grass in dis story :3)

He sighed, looking at the familiar area. Before going over to one of the chairs by the pool and sitting down, still looking around. 

When did it get like this? 

He remembers when things first started going downhill, all because of a speedrun, then he did more, and then the manhunts and Mcc wins. 

He didn't know why so many people hated him for no reason, even on a personal level (Like Geese! Geese are the only animals that hate you on a personal level,they don't just hate you in their territory, they hate your very existence).

"Whatcha lookin' all depressed for?"

:)


	9. Chapter 8

:)

Dream startled slightly from Sapnap's question, turning around to look at his tired friend. 

"Why are you up so early?" Dream asked, as Sapnap sat beside him on the pool chair. 

"Kinda hard to sleep when you wake up to meowing." Sapnap said, chuckling, "George's cat is so fucking loud."

"But quit avoiding the question, what's wrong?" Sapnap asked, but in a demanding tone. 

Dream flinched slightly, looking at Rat, who was still running around.

"I dunno. You ever just wake up and feel sad for some reason?" 

"No." Sapnap dead panned, glaring slightly, "You ever wake up and just feel like lying to your best friend?"

Dream glared, "Really!? C'mon, dude, don't be like that! I just woke up kinda sad, maybe it was from the rain last night."

"It rained last night?" Sapnap asked, staring at him suspiciously. 

"You were asleep." Dream pointed out, and watched in confusion as Sapnap pulled out his phone and typed for a second before scrolling.

"What the hell, Dream! It rained at three in the morning! I get we're Youtubers and all, but you clearly haven't been taking care of yourself!" Sapnap said angrily. 

"I have been! What's your problem!?" Dream snapped back, his heart beating wildly. 

"My problem is that something's wrong with you! You look like you haven't slept or eaten properly in months! When was the last time you actually sat down and ate something, relaxed and went to bed!? You look like you skip almost every meal and then just eat something quick to make up for it!" Sapnap said, his tone softer now. 

"That's not true! I have been taking care of myself! We're YouTubers! Of course we don't sleep properly!" Dream snapped, angry at himself for upsetting Sapnap. 

Monster  
Monster  
Monster  
Monster

"I'm gonna go inside and make us some food." Dream said, getting up and stalking for the door, but Sapnap grabbed his wrist.

"Just let us help you! Please Dream! You can't keep running from your problems!" Sapnap said, worry in his eyes. 

"I don't have any problems to run from, Pandas." Dream said, lightly pulling his wrist out of his grasp and going inside. 

"If you keep tellin' yourself that, things'll get worse." Sapnap warned. 

"Good thing there's nothing that will make it worse, cause I'm fine." Dream said, going inside and going into the kitchen. 

...........

Sapnap was worried. 

He knew something was wrong. Dream always sounded so sad over the phone. 

He could tell he had been lying. 

But he didn't want to think he was at first, but now he knew for sure that he was. 

Sapnap sighed, looking over at the door.

He was scared. He knew Dream wasn't taking proper care of himself.

In his defense, they were YouTubers. They definetly stayed up a lot and had to edit, stream, and record often. But, Sapnap could tell that wasn't the full reason for how tired his best friend looked. 

He sighed, getting up and going inside, making sure Rat was in too before he closed the door. 

He looked in the kitchen, seeing Dream sitting on one of the stools surrounding the island. His back was to him. He had his head in his hands, gripping his hair tightly. 

"Dream?" He asked, walking up and lightly putting a hand on his head. 

Dream flinched, jumping up, "Oh, uh, hey Sapnap! Didn't see ya there! Thought you were outside!" 

"Dream, please," Sapnap begged, "Just tell us what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong! I just got a headache. I'm gonna go upstairs and edit some videos!" Dream said, quickly walking to the stairs and going up. 

Sapnap sighed, his hands clenched into fists. He wanted to help, no, he needed to help! Cause whatever this was, clearly wasn't gonna go away if Dream kept ignoring it. 

He went to Bad's room, and shook the poor muffin man awake, then practically dragged him into George's room. 

He shook George awake too, and explained what all had happened.

"So there is something wrong." Bad said, looking sadly at Rat who was on his lap, "I didn't wanna believe it at first."

"Yeah. He seemed so stressed and tired. He clearly isn't taking care of himself." George said, shaking his head sadly. 

"So, what do we do?" Bad asked, looking at Sapnap. 

"We gotta help him! Now, obviously we aren't therapists. So this ain't gonna turn out like fanfics and stuff. We can't just make any anxiety or stress, or depression disappear." Sapnap said, the other two shrinking slightly at his words. 

"But! We can make him realize what's happening! So he can take better care of himself, and maybe even talk to a therapist. Now, it doesn't seem secret enough for that as of now, but if it is, we can convince him to see one!" Sapnap said, grinning. 

"Good idea! There's only one problem though." George said, frowning. 

"What's that?"

"We gotta make him realize something is wrong. And it's Dream, this man is one of the most stubborn people I know. Have you seen him in just manhunts!?" George said. 

It was quiet after that.

"Muffin." Bad said, censoring the thought they were all having. 

:)  
I can't stand those fanfics where (any fandom when this happens) someone is sad, and then their friend(s) are there and then everything's perfect again. 

Or they fall in love, and everyone's vibin, and yay! Happy ending, or someone almost dies, or gets hanahaki outta nowhere.

I want this to be realistic. I've had a history of self harm and Panic attacks, so I'm using my experience to write this. I always hate how self harm in stories will be like this:

Person A: You're stoopid  
Person B: :( *cuts arms until almost death*  
Person A: Oh no! I'm so sorry! *Kisses and is a medical expert so they fix everything*

~No more depression and happy ending~

No. Real life is more complicated than that.  
So buckle your seatbelts and prepare for a journey of repair, angst, and the homies being there for each other :)


	10. Chapter 9

;)

Dream clutched at his shirt tightly, feeling the pounding of his heart.

The room seemed to be too hot, and then too cold. His breathing was coming in quick, shallow gasps.

_Monster!_

_Pathetic!_

_Useless!_

_Stupid!_

_Ugly!_

_Completely worthless!_

_Weak!_

_Liar!_

_Fraud!_

_Cheater!_

_NOT GOOD ENOUGH!_

He gripped his hair tightly, falling to his knees on the tile of his bathroom floor.

The situation seemed familiar.

But it didn't prepare him for anything.

His breath caught in his throat, making him choke in it, gasping, and it made hsi heart beat faster.

The room seemed too bright. Way too bright. But at the same time, his vision was blurry and had some black spots swarming through it.

_'Why!? Why!? WHY!?'_

Was going through his head, getting lost in all of the other swirling words.

The lights seemed to dance over head as he chocked on his breath. He wanted to move, to run, but at the same time his heart, lungs, and muscles were aching so badly he know if he could make it to the door.

_What if the others find me like this!?_

That thought sent him into a near spiral, he slammed his head onto the tile. A loud smack echoed throughout the room. It hurt, it send a huge spike of pain shooting through his head, making his head pound.

But....it stopped everything else.

His head was hurting, but not as much as it was from all the words. It hurt in a different way.

This way was better.

Dream slowly stood up, shaky and dizzy. He looked in the mirror to see blood pouring down his face.

He wasn't too worried, head injuries caused a lot of blood. Besides, this was better than what was happening before.

If it meant he didn't have to go through whatever that was again, he would hit his head repeatedly.

He grabbed a rag from under the sink, holding it under the faucet. Then he carefully wiped away the blood, and pressed a dry rag to it. He sighed, it was probably gonna be a minute before it stopped bleeding.

The blood eventually stopped, but it left a clotted spot near the top of his forehead, he adjusted his dirty blonde hair slightly, and when he finished he smiled slightly at the fact that he couldn't see it.

He walked out the bathroom, but had to grip the door frame tightly. His vision seemed to blur, and his head throbbed.

Shit.

He placed a hand over the spot gently, his head still throbbing.

_What do I do?_

_Maybe I should stream or something...?_

Yeah! That way they won't barge in, and see this and start overeacting.

Dream walked downstairs, gripping the railing tightly, his vision swimming in front of him. He finally made it to the living room and frowned at the sight of everyone there.

_Why do they look so sad?_

_Is it me...?_

Dream shook his head slightly, earning a painful throb from it.

"Uh, hey guys. Imma be streaming, so don't murder one another." Dream said, chuckling slightly.

Sapnap gave him a mock salute, but Dream could tell his mind was on something else. He was staring off at something.

"You guys are welcome to do whatever, just try not to give it away that you're here." Dream said, turning back to the stairs.

He nearly fell over.

He barely managed to grab onto the railing, and walk up, thanking his lucky stars that the stairs weren't visible from the living room because of the way the entrance was.

He went in his room, and flopped onto his chair, sighing. He then leaned forward, shaking the mouse slightly.

Time to stream.

......

"Why was he so pale?" Bad said, his eyes wide with worry.

"What do you mean?" George asked, looking over at him, "He looked normal to me, just a little nervous."

"Yeeeah....I don't think we can really trust your sight, Gogy. He did seem really scared though." Sapnap said, frowning, "Seriously though, we gotta talk to him about all of this!"

"Oh! I have an idea! We can all stream doing one of those test things, like how I did the colorblind one, but we can act like it's a joke stream for depression and anxiety! That way, the viewers get content and think we're joking, while we get answers!" George said, looking at the other two.

"Hmm...that's actually a really good idea! Good job you muffin! We can try that in a couple days, I honestly just wanna see if he tries to talk to us on his own. But for now, I got a Skeppy to call." Bad said, waving and heading upstairs quietly to his room.

"Maybe he will talk to us in those days." George said, looking at the corner Bad had disappeared around.

Sapnap sighed, "But you already know, man.."

"He won't. He doesn't want us to worry." They said at the same time, eyes widened and they couldn't help but high five because of it. (Homies-)

They both jumped at the loud thud upstairs, hurrying up the steps. It had come from Dream's room, they quietly opened the door and mentally face palmed out the sight.

Dream had fallen out of his desk chair from laughing so hard, the familiar high pitched wheezing and laughs filling the room.

George's eyes suddenly widened, he gripped Sapnap's arm and pointed at Dream. Sapnap didn't see it at first, but it took all of his remaining willpower to quietly shut the door before Dream noticed them.

"D-did you see that bloody spot on his head? Oh man, Sapnap, he's been hurting himself hasn't he! Oh no! No! No! No ?! That's what's been going on innit!?" George said, panicking.

Sapnap grabbed his shoulders and shook him a little, "Calm down! You're panicking! You're getting more British when you panic! Just breathe, okay? We're gonna solve all of this soon, alright? We'll give him 3 days and see if he talks to us, if not, we take matters into our own hands."

George nodded, his breathing calming down, "You're right. Three days. Just three quick days and all this can be solved."

"Maybe even less if Dream cooperates and comes to us for help." Sapnap pointed out.

George sighed, "But we already know that won't happen."

:)


	11. Chapter 10

:)

Sapnap was worried. No, that was the easiest, least descriptive, inaccurate description of his emotions ever. 

He was fucking terrified, pissed off, scared out of his mind, sad, and filled with longing. 

He was terrified Dream was hurting himself.

He was pissed that Dream didn't ask them for help, with anything!

He was scared that Dream would...well...attempt something that was too scary for him to even think of. 

He was sad that his best friend was going through this. 

He longed to help Dream, that longing appeared everytime he saw the dirty blonde, but he had to ignore it. They had a plan, they were giving him time. 

Eventually though, it was time for their stream plan.  
They had talked it over, basically, they were all gonna take an online test about anxiety, stress, and depression. Then see therapist Quackity as a joke so the viewers would think it was a joke,when in reality, it was to help them see what was up with Dream. 

But, something had to fuck up the plan, of course. 

George and brought up the idea to stream, as planned, but Dream said he didn't want to but that'd he do it with them, just not stream. 

"Oh, c'mon Dream! We're all facing out inner demons with Quackity! Don't you want an accurate assessment?" Sapnap asked jokingly, but cursing inside because of their bad luck. 

"Nah. That's not anyone's business anyway." Dream said, eyeing them suspiciously, "Why did you come up with this idea...?"

"Those muffinheads thought it'd be a good idea." Bad said, acting annoyed, "We probably shouldn't. It is our personal business." 

Dream nodded, hurrying out upstairs to his room. As soon as they heard the door shut, Bad sighed, turning to the other two. 

"Welp. There goes plan A. Guess we gotta stick to Plan B. This is day one, after the third day, then we approach him." Bad reminded them. 

"We know. It's just....I'm so fucking terrified that he's gonna do something really bad to himself! Did you see how pale he was yesterday and how weird he was moving!?" Sapnap said, gripping George's shirt collar. 

"Hey! Let go!" George said, yanking his hands off his shirt, "Of course. We all saw....how bout we go up to his room right now?"

"No-" Bad got cut off by Sapnap. 

"Yeah! We can see what he's doing, especially since he goes there so much. I get that it's his room and all, but he only goes when we try and talk to him about serious stuff!" Sapnap said, looking sad and worried. 

"No! We have to wait, if he tells catches us spying on him, it'll just make him more likely to hide stuff. As much as I hate to...we should wait." Bad said, wiping away a tear that had run down his face. 

"I hate when you're right Bad." George said, pouting. 

.......

Dream was panicking. He paced around his room. He knew something was going on with them, but he didn't know what. 

They shouldn't be worried about me!

I gotta hide this better, or something...

They shouldn't worry about me. 

They shouldn't..

His thoughts were swarming again, a low hum in the background as he paced.

He finally stopped, looking around, being snapped back to reality. 

He looked around his room, his head throbbing in sync with his heartbeat. He lightly touched the scabbed over spot from the other day. It was mostly just a red spot with some dried blood, surrounded by purple and blue. 

Monster, monster, monster, monster. 

You made them worry. 

For nothing.

You're worthless.

You're nothing. 

Dream agreed, gripping his arms tightly, his fingernails digging into the small cuts from his nails the other day. He let go after a minute, a small stinging coming from the marks, and rolled his hoodie sleeves back down. 

He walked out of his room and downstairs, no one was in the living room but he found them all in the kitchen at the island, sitting at the stools.

"I'm going out for a run. I can stop by the store if you guys want anything." Dream offered, grabbing his earbuds off the counter and taking off his hoodie. 

The three exchanged a quick glance, before Sapnap turned to Dream, "Sure. Can you get some popcorn and maybe some candy? We wanna have a movie night tonight! I'll pay you for it." Sapnap said, smiling. 

"Remember what I said? Imma pay for everything while I'm here. I'll see you guys in a bit...well, maybe an hour or two?" Dream said, waving goodbye before walking out the front door, closing it behind him. 

Bad immediately started crying, sobbing quietly into his arms, worrying the other two.

"What's wrong,Bad?" George asked, lightly putting a hand on his friend's head.

"D-did you, see his head! It was just a s-scrape before! But now it's w-worse and h-he might be hurting himself!" Bad sobbed, "I-I-I don't think I can wait until the third day!" 

"It's okay, Bad. We can try when gets back? Or tomorrow morning, okay?" Sapnap said, ignoring his own burning eyes, "I don't think I can wait either."

"Yeah..let's do it tomorrow morning. He can't keep ignoring this anymore." George said firmly. 

They all agreed, then cleaned themselves up (as in cleaning away da signs of crying) and going in the living room. 

......

Dream got back at around eight, (it has been about 6:30 when he left) he was slightly sweaty, but had some grocery bags in his left hand. 

He looked surprised at everyone there. But chuckled when he saw George was passed out on the couch. He was used to a different time zone, since they hadn't even been there for a week yet, it felt like it was about one in the morning to George, so he was asleep. 

Bad and Sapnap were watching the movie, but they looked up and smiled at Dream as he closed the door. 

"Uh...movie day tomorrow?" Dream offered, snickering slightly at George's passed out form. 

"Good idea. Let's just binge watch shit all day long!" Sapnap said, almost yelling it but remembering at the last second. 

"Language!" 

Dream chuckled, "Good idea. It can be kinda like a break day." 

Sapnap and Bad exchanged a knowing, yet guilty look. It would definitely be a break day, just not for them. 

Dream was gonna be the one breaking out of all this. 

:)


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

:)

Dream got zero sleep that whole night.

He ended up just staring at the ceiling fan as it turned, his eyes refused to get heavy and he eventually have up and just decided to play Minecraft. 

He looked at the clock and sighed. 2:29 AM. He stood up, pushing his chair back and stretching, his back popping slightly.

He walked over to his bed and flung himself in it, going back to staring at the ceiling. 

.......

Bad woke up, stretching his arms over his head and climbing out of bed. 

"Hey there, Rat! Who's my good little muffin!" He said, petting the white doggo, "Awww! Such a good wittle muffin!" 

He eventually stopped and went downstairs to let Rat run around outside. He wasn't able to get to the door before he saw Dream sitting at the kitchen island. 

His hair was messy, his eyes had purple bags under them and his eyes were bloodshot. 

"Dream!? Did you sleep at all!?" Bad demanded, but his voice was laced with fear and concern, not anger. 

Dream jumped slightly, he hadn't even noticed Bad walked in, "Huh? Oh- yeah!"

"Dream... please, I already know you didn't. Was it because of nightmares or just that you couldn't." Bad said in a gentle voice, letting Rat outside and then sitting beside Dream, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"I...I just can't sleep anymore, man. I try, I really do...but I just... can't." Dream said, sighing and gripping his hair a bit. 

"Do you think about stuff alot or you just can't?" Bad asked gently, trying to coax him to say more. 

Dream stiffened before standing up, "Y'know, I just remembered. I think Techno and Ranboo wanted some help with the script. So I'll do that real quick and then make breakfast!" He said, a fake smile plastered on his face as he hurried upstairs. 

Bad looked at Dream's retreating firm sadly, tearing up. 

'Oh my muffin! My poor muffinhead...he probably thinks he's bothering everyone.' 

.....

Dream didn't remember doing this. He had gone into some kind of haze once he was in his room. His mind clouded by the buzzing, stinging thoughts. 

He looked down at his bloody arm. 

He was in his bathroom. A bloody razor off to the side, and his left arm covered in multiple bleeding slashes. 

He stood up, moving slowly and put his hand under the sink faucet, turning in the water. 

It stung. It burned so much. 

But...there was something there. 

That burning feeling that begged for more. 

He watched the water flowing down the sink go from crimson to a light pink, go being clear again. He turned off the faucet and pat his arm dry with one of the towels hanging up. 

He looked down at the angry, red marks. The crimson liquid was beginning to pool to the surface again, so he quickly grabbed band aids and covered them. He looked around and found his hoodie on the floor of his room, and he quickly yanked it on. 

Dream sighed.

The little scratches from digging his nails into his arm was one thing, so was the bruising on his forehead. 

But this!?

This was different. It would be much harder to hide. Dream's heart began to pound wildly at just the mere thought of any of the others finding out about this. 

No one could. 

It was the only one to keep them happy, and make sure everything was good. 

He didn't wanna burden them Moe than he already had, no, than he already does. 

Dream grit his teeth slightly and went back in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. 

He smiled, but it didn't mix well with his exhausted eyes..and just ..tired looking face.

He shrugged, keeping the smile on his face. 

Fake it till you make it. 

.....

The muffinteres were all sprawled out throughout the living room. Bad was on a pile of pillows and blankets on the floor, George was in the couch, Dream was on the floor like Bad, and Sapnap was leaning against Dream's chest, using him as his personal pillow. 

They had been binge watching random stuff for hours. But...they all had the same thing they wanted to talk about. 

The concern was practically tangible in the room.

Bad, Sapnap, and George all wanted to talk about the one thing Dream didn't want to. Hell, the one thing he didn't even wanna mention.

George, Bad, and Sapnap all had a 'meeting' once they had all woken up about when to talk to him. They all agreed to wait one more day (tomorrow) so the three days could be up like they had planned.

George was on his phone, Sapnap was talking to Dream about Smp lore, and Bad was petting Rat. 

They were doing normal things, but if anyone walked in, the atmosphere was so heavy they might fall through the floor. 

Dream looked at the clock on his phone, 4:45, "Welp, imma go for a run now."

He playfully shoved Sapnap off, making him whine. 

"Dreamy~~~! I was comfy! Don't you love me?" Sapnap said in a whiny voice. 

"Oh come on now, Pandas. I'm not your pillow." Dream said back, jokingly. He got up and stretched, taking off his smiley hoodie. 

He grabbed his phone, and his air pods. Then he went to the door, said goodbye and smiled before going out.

"He's not gonna say anything." George said, matter of factly, "So it's gonna be up to us now. We just gotta talk to him, and make him see and accept the truth."

The other two nodded, "Yeah."

Dream froze, his hand still holding the door knob. His entire body trembling. 

There's nothing wrong!There's nothing wrong!There's nothing wrong!There's nothing wrong!There's nothing wrong!There's nothing wrong!There's nothing wrong!There's nothing wrong! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG!!!

:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> I know, I'm evil :)


	13. Chapter 12

:)

Dream finally walked back, seeing his house in the distance. His arm throbbed, but he had gotten long fingerless gloves when he stopped by a store (They're like normal fingerless gloves but stop at about your forearm I actually have a pair :3)

He took a deep breath, his heart pounding because of what he had heard before. 

He walked in, closing the door behind him. Everyone was still in the living room."What's up, losers. I'm home."

"Hey man. What's with the gloves?" Sapnap asked, looking suspiciously at Dream's arms. 

"Remember the whole outfit thing for the rewind? We met up, man! We gotta mess with everyone more than just a couple of tweets!" Dream said, grinning, "We can't just leave it at that!"

"I guess...why do you have them on now though?" George asked, staring intently at the gloves. 

"Cause they're cool. Imma hope onto the Smp for a bit." Dream said, making a peace sign with one hand before going up to his room. 

"Oh muffin...oh my muffin...he's doing what I think he's doing... isn't he?" Bad said, distressed. 

.......

Dream gripped the mouse tightly. He had revived Tommy on the Smp, and called everyone puppets. 

Now, he was facing the rath of everyone's twitch chat, comments, messages, tweets, and so on. 

His head pounded, his heart beat wildly, his breathing became quick rasps. 

I'm fine. I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.I'm fine.

I'm fine.

He watched as Tommy ended stream and couldn't help but let out a small sigh of relief. 

"Yeah! We did it big man! Good job! You've definitely gotten better at acting!" Tommy congratulated. 

Dream, despite wanting to slam his head into a watt or cut his arms acted enthusiastic, "Yeah! Good job, Tommy! You actually sounded genuinely sad! I got a bit worried about ya for a bit!" 

"Yeah! I bet everyone's gonna freak out!"

I bet they will Dream thought bitterly.

"All the theories are gonna be funny! They'll never guess what'll actually happen!" He said, despite the shaking in his hands. 

"Fuck yeah! Oh! Sorry!" Tommy yelled to his Mom, "I gotta go, Big man! Got college work, y'know, cause I'm so smart." Tommy said smugly, saying goodbye and leaving the call. 

Dream let out a deep, shuddering breath and lowered his head to his desk, his head in front of the keyboard. 

MONSTER!

I bet he's like this irl too! 

Rp or not, I hate him!

Damn, wish none of the other CCs would talk to him! 

He should die!

He just takes stuff!

Even his rp skills are bad!

The chat had been brutal that day. 

As the familiar sensation if a migraine came about, the shimmer appearing in his eyes, Dream agreed with everyone message and comment he saw. 

He got up and turned off the lights to his room, closing the blinds, and flopped on his bed to try and sleep to stop the migraine. 

As he eventually fell asleep, one word chanted through his head, throbbing in time with his headache. 

Monster..

........

"Poor muffin, he's got a slight fever. Probably overworked himself or didn't get enough sleep." 

Dream opened his eyes, sitting up, his dirty blonde hair was ruffled. 

"Morning sleepy head. Before you freak out, you only slept for bout an hour." Sapnap said, ruffling Dream's hair, Dream lightly shoving his arm away. 

"You got a low fever too, and it's making Bad freak out." George said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm just naturally hot." Dream said, making a kissing face, "Kiss me, George!" 

"What!? No! Here too!? Why are you like this!?" George demanded, laughing. 

"I can't change my sexy ways." Dream said, wheezing and getting up. His whole arm throbbed with pain, but thankfully, his headache seemed to be gone.

"Dream! You lay back down right now, mister!" Bad demanded, lightly shoving him. 

"What!? No! It's not even bad! I'm not sick! Probably just a bit tired or something!" Dream said, rolling his eyes. 

"Well then, you're gonna sleep!"

Before Dream could object, Sapnap grabbed him and dragged him into the bed, yelling, "IT'S NOT GAY TO CUDDLE WITH THE HOMIES!!"

"SAPNAP!"

"C'MERE, GEORGE AND BAD! JUST LIKE THE FANART!" Sapnap yelled, making them laugh and shake their heads. 

Eventually they all were crowded in the slave, giggling like idiots. (Homies 🥺) 

Everyone was laughing and happy. Dream didn't remember smiling this much in a long time. 

His arm throbbed in pain, but he didn't care. He was with the homies, and for a bit everything was okay. 

But, just as Dream was about to fall asleep, a familiar sing song word came back to taunt him. 

Monster!!!

:)

Did you know, being overstressed/ sleep deprived can cause people to have low fevers for long amounts of time :0

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! :)  
> :)


End file.
